We feel the quantity of snacks that are both delicious and controller-friendly are scarce at best. Good taste seems to correlate with sloppy remains.
Video Game Research
Eating and gaming are a natural fit, but how many times have you devoured an intense snack only to find gross crud all over your game controller? Wireless or not, having a sticky controller is fucking disgusting. It may be from delicious frosting, but when you grab your buddy's game controller and it sticks to your hands, do you care if he indulged in cake (or believe him, for that matter)?
We ran through some of our favorite snacks - and a few that were suggested (who the fuck snacks on bananas?) - to determine which ones are game controller friendly and which ones will make your controller fucking gross.
Retro Gaming Analysis
Carrots - We're not even convinced that rabbits (or Rabbids) have good eye sight due to carrot intake, but wet vegetables are not a good gaming snack.
Bananas - I'll occasionally eat a banana for breakfast, but lets get real - bananas don't taste bad, but they make a pretty shitty snack. On the other hand, the peel keeps it a controller-friendly snack, but we need to amp up the taste even if it won't leave crud on the controllers.
Popcorn - Movie theater popcorn is pretty tasty stuff even though it's really a bag full of death. What is that shit they put on it - that's not butter. Plain popcorn is controller friendly for the most part, but once you pour anything on it, forget about having a clean controller.
Potato Chips - As long as you don't get the ultra-greasy ones, they taste good and are fairly controller friendly.
Oreo Cookies - Damn tasty, but they always crumble and leave crumby shit on your hands. If you're still dunking them in milk, that's not a controller-friendly option AND grow the fuck up!
M&Ms - If they melt in your mouth, not in your hands - fine. They come in a variety of flavors and options (the pretzel ones suck ass) and work well as a game snack.
Ice Cream Sandwich - Call me old fashioned, but I love ice cream sandwiches. They seem sort of synthetic and the ice cream (chem compound?) rarely melts. Where you run into problems is the outer slabs of wafer. That shit disintegrates and gloms onto your hands with savage force and mess. Fuck that shit, when gaming.
Potato Puffs - We dig them, but they're a greasy mess. Besides, they take like 20 minutes in the toaster oven. who has time for that. If Mom does the cooking for you, then you have other problems to attend to. Move out!
Twinkies - All hail Hostess! If eaten carefully, this is a workable gaming snack.
Pop "Ems - Also known as donut-holes, this is a glazed item and will leave more gunk on your hands than masturbating.
Doritos - I love Doritos, but they leave all sorts of spicy chemicals all over your hands. This shit will easily work it's way into your controller and make it sticky and a good place for small bugs to live.
Cheetos - Very similar to Doritos, but they will leave 10 times the amount of detritus on your hands. This shit will glom onto the controller. That shit is hard to wash off of your hands - do you want that shit on your controller.
Pizza - Tempting, but it's bound to cause problems.
Classic Retro Gaming Conclusion
As we thought most delicious snacks are detrimental to the cleanliness of your gaming controllers. Unless you really like bananas, we suggest Potato chips, Twinkies and M&Ms. Of course you're free to eat and junk-up your controllers as long as we don't have to touch their foul stickiness.
